(no subject)

[entropied]

[When you're dead and set to spend the rest of eternity in a dreambubble, there is a lot of downtime, which might explain why the Handmaid is pouring tea for the Psiioniic right now. Scratch taught her a lot of things like this, things that she never used or paid attention to, much to his chagrin. Generally, that meant that she wouldn't be doing this at all, just out of principle, but none of that really seems to matter anymore. And anyway, the Psiioniic was probably the one to ask for tea in the first place. She settles down next to him, handing him a mug.]

There.

Comments

[auxiliary]

[He's not sure why he asked for tea to begin with. It seemed rather pointless. Tea, in this strange underworld? Surely Death didn't care for tea to begin with. At least that's what he thought. He was still getting used to having his own thoughts, and "tea" was the first thing that popped into his head, unfettered by thoughts of the Empire, the Empress, and endless computer numbers.

He takes the mug in his hands, so so very delicately.]

Thank you.

[He speaks so quietly, now, like he's afraid of his own voice being too loud and upsetting someone.]

[entropied]

[It's odd for her, too, being able to do whatever she wants at any time. She nods at his thanks, then reaches out to touch his arm hesitantly. "Normal" things like this get a little easier each day, but they still make her feel completely out of her depth.]

[auxiliary]

[He still flinches to her touch, just quietly and it's less of an outward thing than in inward motion. He can't help it. He's getting better than he was, but it's still there. He sighs and wishes he wouldn't do that. ]

[entropied]

[She doesn't take it personally anymore--she's the same way, mostly. It doesn't mean she hates what the Condesce did to him, or the part she played in it, any less. She pulls her hand away, shifting in place slightly. When she finally speaks again, her voice is very quiet.]

Is it okay?

wow typos forever there

[auxiliary]

[He hasn't tried it yet. He forgot to, his mind wandering elsewhere. His brain must be a sieve by now, filled with holes and any thought that gets too big just leaks right out. He remembers to taste the tea, the mug has been warming his hands for a few moments now, and he brings the mug to his lips to drink.]

It'th good.

[Another pause.]

Thank you.

[He forgot he already said that.]

i forgive you <3

[entropied]

You're welcome.

[And that's about where her manners run out. She doesn't bother touching her mug, just stares into it. She wonders if he hates that they just sit in silence sometimes.]

[auxiliary]

[He looks down into his tea, looking at his own warped reflection and white eyes. He blinks to try and bring them back to red and blue, but it doesn't quite work.

He takes another sip, and more silence.]

What flavor ith it?

[entropied]

I don't know. Something.

[It's true--she kind of just wished up some tea. After a second or so of hesitation, she leans against him, making sure to move slowly so he can pull away if he wants to.]

[auxiliary]

[He doesn't pull away. If anything, he very, very subtly, moves closer.]

[entropied]

[She actually catches onto that, and relaxes visibly. Good. Maybe he trusts her after all. After another moment or so, she rests her cheek against his shoulder shyly, doing her best to keep her horn from bumping into him.]

[auxiliary]

[Slowly, very slowly, he lifts his hand from his lap, momentarily missing the heat from the mug, and places it on the other troll's cheek, and then her jaw. His touch is feather light, a mix of limpness and caution.]

I wonder if I could pity you.

[entropied]

[That is so completely out of left field for her that she tenses in surprise, cheeks flushing dark red.]

What?

[Then she forces herself to relax against him again for fear of scaring him off. It's odd how hopeful just a few words from him can make her, and sometimes she still berates herself for how attached to him she's gotten. Of course, he's pretty much the only only whose ever shown her any sort of kindness, even if it's just in nervous little touches like these.]

[auxiliary]

You've been through tho much.

[He doesn't know how much, exactly. But it's telling, in the weight of how she carries herself. He doesn't startle when she jumps though, too caught up in his own words, like a trace. He continues to stare at the floor as he talks.]

Not more than me. Equal amountsth. Jutht on a different thide. I wath cauthed pain by force, and you were forced to cauthe pain.

[He takes in a deep breath of a sigh.]

... Yeth, I think I could.

[entropied]

[She's shifted slightly upright, staring at him in utter disbelief, heart beating doubletime at his words. Maybe, just maybe...

Of course, there's still that part of her that insists she's a tool, someone who can't pity and who certainly would never be pitied back, and anyway, she doesn't deserve it. She could pity him back, she thinks. Doc Scratch and Lord English were lying. But as much as she wants to say it, the words stick in her throat and she just can't. She prays it's obvious in the way she wraps her arms around his and hugs it tight, even if the gesture is made slightly awkward and slow by uncertainty.]

[auxiliary]

[He sort of gets what she wants to say. He knows she is hugging him, (hug: a close, affectionate embrace), slow and long as that may take her to do. He still doesn't move, except maybe twitch the fingers he had on her jaw to slowly stroke her skin. Touch was still such an odd sensation. He gets lost in the feeling of it and forgets what he's doing, again.]

[entropied]

[She relaxes finally, because after all, she can trust him, right? And she's begun to crave contact like this, especially after a lifetime without it. The Handmaid lets out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding as she closes her eyes and leans into his touch. This is nice. She could get used to this.]

[auxiliary]

[He wakes up a little when she moves, shaking out of the hypnotic trance he somehow fell into. It's probably because he's losing his mind. Or already lost it. One of them. He turns to face her, as much as he can without hitting her horns, and leans his forehead against hers.]

[entropied]

[This is much, much closer than she's used to, and she has to remind herself to relax a second time. All of this is sort of terrifying, but in an oddly exhilarating way, and that thought gives her the courage to wrap her arms around him properly, squeezing lightly.]

[auxiliary]

[He practically goes limp in her arms, eyes closed and he just breathes. Eventually, he brings his hands up to lightly go on her waist. He's been so neutral, so absent-minded and almost not there except for the occasional sentence he says, on the rare occasion, multiple sentences. He never once talks about himself.

His eyes squeezing shut and the weak grasp on her the back of her dress is different.]

[entropied]

[For a moment she's terrified she's moved too quickly and triggered him in some horrible way, but then he grips the back of her dress, and she lets out a shaky breath.]

Psiioniic?

[She uses his old title for obvious reasons.]

[auxiliary]

[He shakes for a second like he's crying, but no tears fall. That seemed to be the peak of it, and he calms himself back down again. He keeps his hands still on the Handmaid, although not gripping so tightly, and eventually, he mumbles.]

I wanted to die for tho long. ]

[He shakes again, but this time, it's almost like a soundless laugh. He's dead and she's dead and no one can tell them what to do anymore. They're free.]

[entropied]

[She feels a sudden surge of pity, so strong that she tightens her grip and plants a nervous, awkward kiss on her forehead.]

I did, too.

[In fact, it had pretty much been her entire goal since she'd turned six. She wishes she could fix it somehow, make everything hurt less for him.]

LMAO WOW FUCK stupid... end bracket that i did not meant to put there

[auxiliary]

[At least his breathing has settled, and he's moving on instinct now, bringing his head up and pressing his lips to hers.]

never rps with you again tbh

[entropied]

[Oh.

That.

Well.

That is certainly a lot more intimate than she was expecting, ever. So for a second she freezes, fingers tangling themselves in the back of his shirt until finally she registers that she should really be reciprocating or something and kisses him back tentatively.]

sobs forever never rps again

[auxiliary]

[And honestly, her responding makes him freeze. He is only half-there, doesn't really know what he's doing. The Psiioniic is occasionally returning and taking control, but the Helmsman is lost and feels like crying and laughing at the same time except no tears will come out and he doesn't even remember how to laugh.

He's so fucked up, both parts of him realize.

It takes him another moment to respond to her responding to him, and by then she might have stopped but maybe he can figure out what he's doing now.]